"Why do I worry about making others happy?" & "Why do I let what others do bring me down?"
I am happy. Very happy. I am finally doing things for myself for once and making decisions that will better not only my life, but Amanda's life as well. I have learned a lot in these past few months about people. I have learned that most people can't be bipartisan when it comes to their friends divorcing. Alas, there are two sides to every story and most will pick one side or the other. A very few people will look at it as nothing more than their two friends being divorced and they can be friends with both. I have spent a lot of time the last few months trying to make those that have chose Justin's side happy. I have come to the realization that I am not going to be able to make them happy. I have also learned that some people are just saying things to make you happy but in the realization they aren't really telling you how they feel. That hurts. Don't tell me one story and then later stab me in the heart by telling me you never meant all the words you spoke previously.
At the end of the day (and I have to keep telling myself this) when I lay my head down on my pillow I know that I have spoken the truth and have done EVERYTHING in my power to make my baby happy and give her what she wants. Really, that is all that matters. She is happy....I am happy....enough said. Those that love me will be beside me no matter what.
Jealousy. "Why do I let what others do bring me down?" Jealousy. Well....I take that back....not really jealousy per se, but I get so irritated with things that are totally beyond my control. I think I let others actions break me because I get so frustrated. I am going to spare you, the reader of this blog, the story.
I must realize that I can only control me and my actions. I will continue to be me until the day I die. If others don't like that....then that is their problem.
On a happy note.....Halloween was absloutely perfect! Amanda was Supergirl. The first few houses were a little hard for her...she didn't quite get it. She did have some help from her new friend Brooklyn that showed her how to trick-or-treat successfully. :) By the end of our jaunt down Ravenswood...she was ringing doorbells and skipping and running. Life is perfect.
I am currently in search of a new church home. I love my Southside family...always have....always will. But that is not the best solution for me....so....the hunt begins. I want to badly to attend somewhere. I am not being fed...I miss the worship and I need to make some new friends. If you have any suggestions please comment.
If you made it through this diatribe....I thank you. I really needed to vent.
Lacey
