Youth Minister: Yep....I've Done That.

Something you may not know about me is that I used to be a Youth Minister.  For about three years Justin and I were Co-Directors of Youth Ministry for Southside Baptist Church.  We resigned in April (as many know), not because of the divorce (although God did a lot of talking), but because we felt it was not our place to be in that position anymore.

I have spent a lot of the last few days remembering back over the past year and I can honestly tell you that one of the things I miss is my worship time with our Savior.  It is my goal to find a new church home soon.

Being a Youth Minister was tough.  It was one of the most challenging jobs I have ever had.  I learned a lot about myself, what I believed and the Church.  However, it was extremely rewarding at times and I miss it dearly.

I was cleaning out some files on my computer this evening and I found this slide show I created for the Mystery Dinner we did as a fundraiser a few years back.



This brought back a flood of memories for me.  GOOD...no GREAT memories.  Over the three years we were directors we got to know several kids.  These are some of the best kids you will ever meet.  Some aren't kids anymore; some are in college, married with babies, working through life, in the Military or still in high school.

I think back to our Progressive Dinners, Mystery Dinners, New Years Eve parties, Youth Conferences and all the worship and Sunday school times.  It was three years that I wouldn't change for anything.

God is great!  I am so thankful for the chance I had to serve him and the precious memories I have of that time.

If you are reading this and you are or used to be in my Youth department; I love you.  You taught me just as much as I taught you and I am thankful for the person that you are (no matter who is reading this).  You are always in my thoughts and prayers and I pray that God blesses you now and always.

With love,

Lacey

Not a Technically Savvy Type Gal

Well, I didn't think I would post again before Christmas...but I just really had to brag on myself tonight. 

After being sick for four days I finally got up the strength to get up and move about.  I really dislike being sick because I really hate being in bed.  However, this is God's way of telling me to slow down and take it day-by-day (I think).  One thing I desperately needed to do was to balance my checkbook.  Now, for those of you that know me, you know I can't go four days without balancing my checkbook.  I don't balance my checkbook in a way that most people do.  Daily, I log-in to my bank account online and I make sure that what I have written down in my register matches my bank account.  I take the balance from what the bank says and then subtract what hasn't cleared and make sure my balances match.  This is a very anal way of doing things but when you have lived from paycheck to paycheck and have had your checking account go into the negatives you get in a habit of making sure that doesn't happen (especially when you have worked hard to remove yourself from that).

I digress (because that was not the point of this blog)....this caused me to get out my laptop.  At this time I decided I would multitask (this is something my laptop may or may not let me do at any given time).  So I opened iTunes.  This is where I become un-technical.  When Justin and I were married he did all the updates on our iPods/iPhones.  So I had become needy of his technical genius to sync the iThings we had in our house.  He set-up our wireless Internet, updated our computer with the latest and greatest update things, and even made ringtones for our phones.  I could/can navigate my way through my e-mail, Facebook, even write a blog but I didn't know how to do all the iPod updating/syncing things.

So...I had to learn and it took countless hours of becoming frustrated and not knowing what to do.  I got so frustrated at one time I just wanted to shut my computer down and go to the Apple store and tell them to deal....or just call Justin....who I knew would laugh.  I didn't do that, but I did shut my computer down just to try again another day.

Today was that day.  I opened iTunes and magically it was fixed....Ha, Ha, Ha.  Not really, but I was in a better frame of mind to work it out.  I did get it all working properly....all my songs are in the albums they belong in, all the albums (except the obscure ones) have a cover, created two playlists, and even downloaded two songs! 

It is good to know that I can do it all by myself!  I am a technically savvy woman (now)!  Hear Me Roar!!

Lacey

It's the Most Wonderful Time Of the Year

A long time has passed since my last blog and not too much has transpired since that time.  We have survived Thanksgiving just to be caught up in the Christmas season.  It always seems as though Christmas gets earlier and earlier each year.  Most stores had decorations out right after Halloween totally bipassing Thanksgiving.  Sorry Pilgrims and Indians....you have fallen by the wayside.

As I let out a big sigh...I digress.  Things are pretty calm and quiet around here.  I tried putting Amanda into dance class and she wasn't having any of that.  Miss Melanie at Dance Dreams in Acton gave us a month free to try out the class.  The first class Amanda cried for about the first 10 minutes of the class, and I was right there with her.  She didn't want to participate.  However, she accepted the sucker at the end of class and left.  However, when we got in the car all she could talk about was the other little girls tap shoes and how she wanted a pair.  I told her that she would actually have to dance in order to get tap shoes.  Her response:  "I don't wanna dance".  I said, "Okay then we won't go back to dance class".  She said, "But I want to go to dance class, I just don't want to dance."  We went two more times after that and she still didn't dance, but she wanted the tap shoes nonetheless.  I am thinking of enrolling in the adult class and maybe that will coax her into wanting to do it.  More updates to follow on that. 

Thanksgiving was quite different this year.  Amanda spent the day at Justin's and I spent the day at Mike's sister's home in Valley Mills.  It was quite a warm and loving atmosphere and I caught myself reveling in the fact that this was something new.  It was a little scary at first (the thought of newness....not being in Valley Mills), but as the day went on I found it to be right where I wanted to be. 

We got the tree up after having to replace a strand of lights on it.  Most of our shopping is done (mercifully) and we can spend the rest of the season just being with each other.  I read a blog recently by a friend of mine that dealt with the feelings of teaching her girls the true meaning of the season and what she is going to do when the time comes to tell her daughters the truth about Santa.  Luckily I am not anywhere near having to tell Amanda that Santa is really her parents and grandparents putting gifts under the tree...no reindeer...elves....or North Pole.  Loving the Lord with all my heart I struggle with making sure I tell Amanda the reason why we celebrate Christmas.  Being out of church makes this much harder for me.  I feel as though I don't have a right to tell her.  I know that is silly...but I think that way sometimes.  She knows Jesus and God....we say our prayers daily and I tell her Bible stories.  But I want her to know that Jesus is the reason for Christmas and we love Him so.

She wanted to draw the other day and I gave her some paper and a pen.  About 5 minutes later she comes back with this paper with scribbles all over it.  She said, "Mommy, this is my Christmas list to Santa".  I told her I would make sure he got it.  I then asked her if she wanted to go see Santa and tell him what she wanted for Christmas.  She said no.  The past two years her pictures with Santa have turned out to be family pictures with Santa.  She doesn't want to have any part of that old guy with the beard. 

I think that about sums it up for now.  Anticipating Christmas and the New Year.  I pray that each of you have a very Merry Christmas and here's wishing you Health and Happiness for 2011.

Lacey

Questions to Ponder

The questions I ask myself the most these days are:

"Why do I worry about making others happy?" & "Why do I let what others do bring me down?"  



I am happy.  Very happy.  I am finally doing things for myself for once and making decisions that will better not only my life, but Amanda's life as well.  I have learned a lot in these past few months about people.  I have learned that most people can't be bipartisan when it comes to their friends divorcing.  Alas, there are two sides to every story and most will pick one side or the other.  A very few people will look at it as nothing more than their two friends being divorced and they can be friends with both.  I have spent a lot of time the last few months trying to make those that have chose Justin's side happy.  I have come to the realization that I am not going to be able to make them happy.  I have also learned that some people are just saying things to make you happy but in the realization they aren't really telling you how they feel.  That hurts.  Don't tell me one story and then later stab me in the heart by telling me you never meant all the words you spoke previously. 

At the end of the day (and I have to keep telling myself this) when I lay my head down on my pillow I know that I have spoken the truth and have done EVERYTHING in my power to make my baby happy and give her what she wants.  Really, that is all that matters.  She is happy....I am happy....enough said.  Those that love me will be beside me no matter what.

Jealousy.  "Why do I let what others do bring me down?"  Jealousy.  Well....I take that back....not really jealousy per se, but I get so irritated with things that are totally beyond my control.  I think I let others actions break me because I get so frustrated.  I am going to spare you, the reader of this blog, the story.

I must realize that I can only control me and my actions.  I will continue to be me until the day I die.  If others don't like that....then that is their problem.

On a happy note.....Halloween was absloutely perfect!  Amanda was Supergirl.  The first few houses were a little hard for her...she didn't quite get it.  She did have some help from her new friend Brooklyn that showed her how to trick-or-treat successfully.  :)  By the end of our jaunt down Ravenswood...she was ringing doorbells and skipping and running.  Life is perfect.

I am currently in search of a new church home.  I love my Southside family...always have....always will.  But that is not the best solution for me....so....the hunt begins.  I want to badly to attend somewhere.  I am not being fed...I miss the worship and I need to make some new friends.  If you have any suggestions please comment. 

If you made it through this diatribe....I thank you.  I really needed to vent.

Lacey

That Grey Matter Matters

I was driving down the road today thinking.  That's it.  Just thinking.  I wasn't thinking about anything I particular.  I was semi-concentrating on driving and the terrible Granbury traffic and just other random thoughts.  Halloween, my upcoming trip, what I was going to Wal-Mart for....the list grows as I drive.

I then started thinking about what other's think about.  There are times in our day when we are forced to think about something.  Like now, I am writing this blog.  I am thinking what I am going to say next.  Or this morning when I was running Albridge reports for clients I was thinking about that.  However, when our brain has free thinking time I am all over the shop.  Most of the time I worry.  I think about worrying, I worry about thinking about worrying....ugg.  I am an eternal worrier.

Do other people spend time in random thought?  I think so.  I don't want to be the only one.

Lacey

"That spider is made of metol"

Halloween has to be my favorite holiday; not because I am dark or love to be scared (I actually HATE scary things), but because to me Halloween is the start of the Fall season.  I have fond memories of Halloween from my childhood; hayrides, trick-or-treating and dressing up as that year's character.  I want to pass that love for fun on to Amanda.

My drive encompasses driving past Fall Creek Farms right outside the front gate of Pecan.  The farm has these statues of instects and such made of metal.  Amanda has been facinated with the strawberry the farm has out near the strawberry fields.  She always tells me as we pass by "Look momma...that is a big strawberry."  In her cutest little two year old voice that couldn't get any sweeter.  A few weeks ago they introduced a big spider to the mix.  I slowed the car down one day on the way to Pecan to show Amanda the big spider.  She was hesitant at first to look at it; I guess she assumed it was a real spider.  After gently telling her that it was made of metal all she want's to do is get in the car and go look at that big spider.  We were in the car last night and as we passed she said: "Momma....we don't have to be scared of that big spider because it is made of metol...just like the strawberry.....and it doesn't walk"  I assured her that the spider was made of metal and it wouldn't walk, ever.

I welcome Halloween and all the fun stuff it brings; ghosts, goblins, candy and Fall!

Lacey

"Joyful, Joyful, We Adore Thee"

Last week was a particularly rough week.  Many things contributed to the perceived rough week.  My problem is that I worry way too much about everything under the sun.  Things and people out of my control I worry about.  I quoted Robert Kiyosaki on my Facebook last week.  The quote was "What you think of me is none of my business. What is most important is what I think of myself."  I really need to learn to live by that.  I am learning to love me for once and it seems as though that upsets people.  I can only control myself....  However, God always has a way of showing you how good you have it in comparison to others when you think you are at your low. 

I am greatful for the joys that God put in my life.  Amanda is the best one of all.  She had a great week last week.  She went the entire week without having any fits.  I was glad because these "terrible two's" are causing me terrible grief.  This weekend was a different weekend because I actually got to spend Saturday with her.  She had a great day.  We went to IKEA and COSTCO and ate at Razzoos for lunch.  

All the way to IKEA it was "Mommy.......What?........Where we going?......IKEA"  "Mommy.......What?........Where's IKEA?.......Frisco."  Mommy........What?.......Where we going?.......IKEA"  Over and over....like a little broken record.  It was cute.  We had a little fit at IKEA...but nothing too major and luckily it was after we got back to the car.  

Sunday was an even better day with her.  We went to my grandmothers for breakfast and after that went to pick pumpkins for our decorations.  After picking pumpkins we decided to go fishing.  I was so proud....she "caught" 5 fish.  She didn't want to watch the bobber, but she definately wanted to reel when it was time.  Here she is with her catch:

   
I hummed a song all last week that really kept things in perspective for me.  It is "Joyful" by Dutton.



I realize that I have much more to be joyful about than not.  I thank God that he put that little girl in my life to help me along the beaten path.  When the days are dark and gloomy...she is my sunshine.

Lacey

People Come, People Go, Some You Realize, Have Been There All Along

Yep....my Facebook relationship status has gone from "Single" to "In A Relationship", and you know what.....I am not ashamed or even afraid of what people may think about me.  Judge me if you will....I honestly don't care, however, God will judge me one day....that isn't your job.  I am not trying to throw anyone under the bus here......but I am not the only one that has moved on and is in a relationship (that is all I will say about that).

No.....this relationship didn't start before I was divorced or separated.  That is the truth.  That is because I am a very honorable and do things by the book (the Good Book, that is) person.

We have been friends for a very long time.  He makes me feel special and loved.  I am happy.  I am looking forward to what God has in store for me, for us, for my future.  I am optimistic.

Here's to those people in my life who have always been there.  Here's to those people that have come into my life.  Here's to those that genuinely care about me (and send me Facebook messages to let me know as much).  Here's to those that love me and want nothing but for me to be happy.  Here's to my family and friends.  Here's to you, M.M., my saving grace.

Lacey

Family: How Can You Define The Word

Have you ever known a family so long that you are considered a part of their family?  I do...I consider myself lucky because I have so many friends that I consider them a part of my family just as much as they consider me a part of theirs.  However, one family sticks out in particular.

I have known this particular family for years, probably since my sister and their youngest daughter were kids.  I call everyone in the family Aunt or Uncle and consider them as such, I call the grandparents by what their blood grandkids call them and when explaining our relationship to outsiders I refer to the kids as cousins.  It is hard to explain: "well, our parents have been friends for so long....we just call eachothers parents Aunt or Uncle so-in-so."  Not very many people can understand that dynamic.

The memories are numerous and the time spent together is few and far between.  The kids are all grown with their own kids so we rarely see eachother anymore....but when we do it is a very memorable time had for all. 

Recently, they lost their dad and grandfather.  This was one of the nicest, funniest and genuine people you could ever meet.  When this family grieves, we as a family grieve with them.  I was sad for them all.  The funeral made me think back to the days when we were kids and the memories we have made together.  They played a slide show at the funeral and one picture caught me by surprise.  It was a picture taken at the grandfathers and grandmothers 50th Wedding Anniversary and Vow Renewal.  It was of me and my parents with them.  I leaned over to my mom and whispered "That is us with Mom and Pop."  She shook her head.  Later, when they returned from the celebration of life after the funeral we talked about that picture and how much that meant to us that our picture was included in the family slide show.  We reminiced about how that day my dad was asked to say a few words and we were all crying...mostly because of what he was saying but part because he was asked.....that meant a lot to my dad to be included.

As I drove home from the funeral these thoughts flooded my mind and I remembered back to our time together.  Birthdays spent together, Halloween hayrides, playing hit the deck on the trampoline when cars would pass by the house (when they moved out of town into the country, hit the deck came increasingly more hard), sleep-overs, my parents being asked to be Godparents to the kids, singing karaoke at my parents house, video games, sad times, happy times, and all the things that go along with our families history.

I love each and every one of these people with my whole heart.  They are all genuine people.  They would give you the shirt off their backs or the last penny in their bank account if you needed it.  We have probably been through everything together and the fact remains that none of us are related by blood or marriage.  Through the years we have come to love one another as though we were. 

In this case a definition can't be put on family.....I wouldn't want one to be.

Lacey 

Why Yes.....I am a Caraholic

I know there are classes out there for Alcoholics, Shopaholics, Over eaters, etc.  But what about those people that are Caraholics?

Hi, I'm Lacey, and I'm a Caraholic.

I have had several cars over the past couple of years; Pontiac Sunfire, Ford Ranger, Kia Spectra, and a Ford Escape.  Right before the divorce we traded the Ford Escape in on a 2010 Volkswagen Jetta.  This was a sweet car.  The shopping experience was so easy!  They spent more time detailing the car than we did doing the paperwork!  No joke!  I loved that car.  However, I did get the Kia Spectra in the deal.  The hail damaged, fell asleep at the wheel and ran the passenger side down a guardrail Kia Spectra.  No.  I didn't run the car down the guardrail.  

Now, I have a damaged car and nothing good can come out of it but me continuing to pay the payments until it is paid off.  I had the damage estimated and it is only going to cost me the deductable.  $1500.00.  BOO!  However, after my trip to Mexico, I do intend to start saving for the deductable.  

It is hard, being a Caraholic, not being in the position to go down to the local car dealer and smell the new car smell.  Well, I guess I can make a habit of just going and looking, but then who wants to be the crazy person that goes to smell the new car smell?  Not me.  

So it is you and I Kia Spectra.  

Lacey  

The Overdue "Thank You's"

The time has come for me to finally sit down and express my thanks and admiration for those that are walking the path with me.  The people that have never left my side, never been judgemental and have loved me no matter what I have been going through.  The past couple of months have been extremely hard.  I took a major step in my life and did something that I never thought I would actually in a million years do.  It was hard.

I have a sincere appreciation for those people that helped me through the rollercoaster of emotions and gave me a shoulder to cry on (or punch) or just listened when I needed an ear.  They are listed in no particular order.......

My Parents:  My parents have done nothing but stay by my side.  My mom was there when I had to move all of my stuff out of our house.  She was there when I had the break-down in her living room assuring me it was all going to be okay and that life did stink at times and that it isn't fair.  She is my rock and I love her dearly.  My dad has been there with advice when needed, a story when I needed a laugh and silence when he knew I didn't want to talk about it.  My parents have been and will always be my heroes and I love them to the ends of the Earth and back.

My grandmother:  She has been the most surprising.  She didn't say I was wrong when I told her the news and she has been there with gentle words of encouragement. 

PATO (People At The Office):  Sam, Mike, John and Pat.  They have endured 3 years of listening to me rant and rave and for that all of them should be given some sort of medal.  These people are truly my saving grace and non-judgemental, always there to offer advice go to people.  They know me, they know when I am having a bad day and they know when I am having a good day.  We spend 8 hours a day 5 days a week together.  They are more than my friends, they are my family and I love them dearly.

Rachel:  She loves me unconditionally.  That is rare to find these days and for that I am extremely greatful.  We have done everything together, been through everything together and she knows my deepest, darkest, secrets.  She has stood right by my side through this entire ordeal.  Pushing me to know that it is going to be okay.

Hannah:  My dearest and one of my best friends.  She has given advice and has told me it was all going to be okay.  Although the miles between us hinder our relationship she has always stood by my side and has had the shoulder when I needed it. 

My father-in-law and mother-in-law:  Yes, I said my in-laws.  They are willing to forgive and start a new with a friendship.  During this whole thing I have never stopped loving them.  They have been important people in my life for almost 10 years.  I am sad that we are no longer family, but glad we can be friends.     

My extended family, friends and aquaintences:  This includes my new friends in Dallas, Dr. H and all others. There have been many that have dissappeared, avoid me in Wal-Mart or if the don't avoid me they act as though I have the plague.  However, there are many of you out there that have offered kind words of encouragement, messages of hope and the knowledge to know that you would always be there should I call upon you.  Many have said that this is for the better, not only for me, but for Justin.  Many have gone through this and have felt the feelings I have, many simply wanted me to know it was going to be okay, several others have given a hug when I needed it and then some let me talk things out.  No matter what you have done or the support you have given it will never be forgotten. 

Lastly:

Amanda:  Although she can't offer advice or a shoulder to cry on, she has been my reason for living these past few months.  She is the breath of fresh air I need when the day has been long, troubling and tiresome.  She is the giggle I need to see just how some things in this life don't matter much in the end.  She has given hope for my future and played with me when the towers of Leggos offer solice from the real world.  I know things will be okay because she is here with me, providing strength, courage and hope.

To all of those that I love, you have been a constant the past few months.  People have come and gone, however, I am greatful for those that have remained, didn't pick sides, listened to both stories and didn't judge.  I never asked for anyone to not be friends with Justin, but to consider that he has a story as do I. 

Thank You All....from the bottom of my heart.  You mean more to me than I will ever be able to show.

Lacey

D-Day Approaches

*DISCLAIMER*

There is nothing but honesty in this blog (or any blog I write for that matter).  As I keep saying; there are always two sides to each story and I am just sharing mine for those that may not know.

D-Day.  Not D-Day as in the June 6, 1944 Normandy Invasion D-Day, I am talking about my D-Day, August 20, 2010 - the day my divorce is final.

Let me start off by putting out some fires.  I never cheated on Justin and we didn't resign from the church because of our divorce (it just happened to coincide that we separated and resigned around the same time and hindsight it was probably for the best).  I have also told the same story to everyone that I encounter that cares to know.  This also didn't come to fruition because Justin lost his job at Wal-Mart.  I married for "richer or poorer" and I was willing to accept whatever God threw our way because of the misfortune of Justin loosing his job. 

Justin is a wonderful father to Amanda and for that I will always love him.  I look at the photos from the day Amanda was born and I smile because he held her with such care and looked at her with complete admiration.  I will cherish those times I just listened to them play together or when I watched them interact.  I still cherish those times.  She gets so excited when she sees him pulling into the parking lot to pick her up and she gets giggly and runs over there and they embrace.  That is priceless, even though we are separated and soon divorced, I still cherish those moments and the ones to come.

The love in my heart for him as a father will never extinguish.  However, our love for one another as husband and wife has fallen by the wayside.  Many out there have said that they would have never thought we would be to this point.  Sadly, we are.  I am more upset about this today than I thought I would be when this started.  I am nearing the end of an almost 15 year relationship and I think that is what is getting the best of me.

Please remember as you read that this is my interpritation of things.  You must take this for what worth you place on it.  I am not going to spell any of these out.  If you care to get more in depth, I will be happy to discuss things, in person as I have done with so many.

I never felt as though I was unloved, however, I did feel inadequate at times.  I never dressed my age.  I felt that I was always giving and he was always taking and never giving in return.  The fights got longer and more frequent and we found ourselves fighting over the same things over and over again for about three years.  I wanted to go to counsling and asked to go.  I even took the liberty of going by myself to see a Neuropsychologist.

I will not, by any means, blame this all on Justin.  I wasn't a perfect wife and could be quite the bitch at times (pardon my language).  But, I do know that marriage takes both people trying to make it work and we both failed on that end.
 
There will be another side to this.  I hope that we will both heal and become friends (or something that resembles working together for the benefit of Amanda).  We will both move on and find someone new to love.  One thing is for sure, we will both be better people because of this.  If nothing else, we can help someone who is going through the same thing because we have been there and know the process. 

Time heals all wounds - and eventually, I have to start believing that myself.

Lacey

"In My Daughter's Eyes....."

I love my daughter more than life itself and if you are a mother then you know what type of love this is.  It is that unconditional, never ending, aching love.  I don't know how I loved before Amanda came along.


I catch myself realizing this love all the time and it truly takes my breath away.  I get home from a long, busy, exausting day and she gets so excited to see me and that makes all the worry, trouble and heartache that I am experiencing melt away.  She giggles and runs at me with arms open wide and hugs and kisses me.  She wakes up in the morning and plays with my grandmother and I listen to them while I am getting ready for work, she is such a jabber-jaw.  They play "babies" and she is momma to all those little dolls, monkeys and bears.  She is a great momma.  


I told her yesterday that if she was really good then we would go swimming.  I got home and Mom and Mammie (my grandmother) said that she was just perfect all day and talked about nothing but going swimming.  Excitement filled her face as we got ready to go and she was just a giggle machine.  However, when we arrived at the pool those giggles quickly diminished.  She didn't want to let go of me and float in her star.  She wanted to be attached to me the entire time we were in the pool.  I didn't make her let go, but I wanted her to float on her own to see her do it.  I wanted her to show me what she had learned in her swimming lessons; she didn't want to. 


I think back to swimming with her and I realized that she just wanted me near for that security.  She always wants me to be there.  It has been especally hard since my separation to convince her that I am always going to be with her and she will see me again soon.  


She has been asking a lot lately about our "old house."  The one we lived in when we were a family.  She wants to go there and see it.  I have told her we sold it and in her little 2 and half year old voice she tells me that some other little girl lives there.  Behind my tears I have to tell her that yes baby, another little girl lives there.  It is hard not being able to explain to a two year old the meaning of "divorce."  I do tell her that mommy lives with Granny and Daddy lives with Nana.  She says okay and starts jabbering on about something else.  So innocent....so pure.


A verse from "In My Daughter's Eyes" is below.  Sung by Martina McBride, I can say that this song describes me to a "T."  Every time I hear it, I cry.  I am even fighting back tears now knowing that I am going to be typing it into this passage.


In my daughter's eyes I am a hero
I am strong and wise and I know no fear
But the truth is plain to see
She was sent to rescue me
I see who I wanna be
In my daughter's eyes


In my daughter's eyes everyone is equal
Darkness turns to light and the
world is at peace
This miracle God gave to me
gives me strength when I am weak
I find reason to believe
In my daughter's eyes


She is the hope for my future, my miracle and reason for living.  She isn't judgemental.  She never will know just how God put her into my life at the right time and truly rescued me.


Lacey



 

Replacement: Let It Go.

Why is it so hard to replace things?  I ask the question because I have a very hard time replacing or getting rid of things.  I have had this problem my whole life.  You could say I am a pack rat (however, I am getting better).  Do you remember the awards you would receive in elementary school?  The ones for perfect attendance, A Honor-Roll....those kind?  Yeah, I was 26 years old before I let any of those things go. 

When I got married and moved out of my mom and dads house I left all of my high school "stuff" there.  When Amanda was born my mom needed a nursery so she made me come and clean out the closet in my old bedroom.  Luckily, I was years removed from some of those items and just threw them away, but somethings, such as my Academic Decathlon metals and such I just couldn't part with.  Now, they are in a box out in my parents shed. 

I am fighting the same battle today, both materialistically and mentally. 

Materialistically:  I really need a new phone.  Well, I say I really need a new phone.  I probably don't, I just need to go to AT&T and have them explain to me what has happened to my phone.  But, I digress.  I have an iPhone and ever since the last update I have had some problems with the operating system.  I have looked at new phones and have decided if they can't fix the problem with my iPhone I am going to buy a new Samsung Jack.  I am having a big problem with the thought of having to replace my iPhone.  It is like I am attached to the phone and I can't bear to part with it.

Mentally:  Isn't it funny how as people we are prone to replacing things and we really don't know it.  Not material things, but people.  Friends come and go, people get divorced, loved ones die.  I am struggling now with replacing and being replaced.  It seems now, I am having a hard time coming to terms with the ways in which my life is changing.  People I once had friendships with are falling by the wayside,  relationships with people are developing that I never would have guessed in a million years to become close to, and I am having to deal with the thought of myself being replaced (this thought hurts more than any).  I cherish all the people in my life and I never think of "replacement" as a permanent thing...except in the case of divorce (which is where I am at now).

So, the conclusion:  Let It Go!  You aren't going to be able to keep that iPhone 3 forever, friends will come and go and eventually you yourself will be replaced.  Don't let it get you down because something better is always along the path.

Lacey

"It's always best to start at the beginning......"

"......And all you have to do is follow the Yellow Brick Road."  A line from my favorite movie, The Wizard of Oz.  Dorothy was on her way to see the Wizard so he could help her return to Kansas.  Glinda started her on the Yellow Brick Road.

Not all of us are as lucky as Dorothy and destined to start our path on the Yellow Brick Road.  Most of our lives are more like the Yellow Brick Roads from the Wizard of Oz and the Return to Oz pieced together.  In one section it is smooth, bright yellow and shiny, a few steps later it is full of holes, the yellow has worn and the path is dark.

I am currently 27 years old.  I will turn 28 in January.  This age seems so young, yet so old.  I say that because there is still things in my life I haven't had the chance to experience yet other things I have.  As of August 20, 2010 I will be a single woman and mother.  My daughter is 2 and a half years old and we are currently undergoing the "Terrible Two's."  She is really my world and if you are a mother, you can relate. She is vivacious, intelligent, beautiful and as independent as one could be.  She always wants to do things herself.  I love her.  She is really my reason for living.

I work a full time job with a group of people that I wouldn't change for the world!  I love my job and not many people can say that.  I am also grateful for those people I have met through being in this position!  They are awesome and mean the world to me.  I am a Registered Assistant with a private label branch of a national broker/dealer.  It took me a little less than 5 years to obtain my Series 6 and 63 licenses.  It was hard work and there are still more licenses to go, but it is all worth it.

I am also a full time student about 60 hours away from my Bachelors Degree in Business with an emphasis in Finance.  After that, who knows?  I would love to obtain my Masters, but in what I am not sure.  It will either be in Business or Education.  I guess we will see.

For now, that is me in a nutshell.  You will learn more about me over the course of this blog.  I am not an eloquent writer, sometimes my grammar is lacking and I can be a bit emotional.  That is me.  Thanks to my best friend, Hannah, for putting the blogging bug in my ear.

Lacey