*DISCLAIMER*
There is nothing but honesty in this blog (or any blog I write for that matter). As I keep saying; there are always two sides to each story and I am just sharing mine for those that may not know.
D-Day. Not D-Day as in the June 6, 1944 Normandy Invasion D-Day, I am talking about my D-Day, August 20, 2010 - the day my divorce is final.
Let me start off by putting out some fires. I never cheated on Justin and we didn't resign from the church because of our divorce (it just happened to coincide that we separated and resigned around the same time and hindsight it was probably for the best). I have also told the same story to everyone that I encounter that cares to know. This also didn't come to fruition because Justin lost his job at Wal-Mart. I married for "richer or poorer" and I was willing to accept whatever God threw our way because of the misfortune of Justin loosing his job.
Justin is a wonderful father to Amanda and for that I will always love him. I look at the photos from the day Amanda was born and I smile because he held her with such care and looked at her with complete admiration. I will cherish those times I just listened to them play together or when I watched them interact. I still cherish those times. She gets so excited when she sees him pulling into the parking lot to pick her up and she gets giggly and runs over there and they embrace. That is priceless, even though we are separated and soon divorced, I still cherish those moments and the ones to come.
The love in my heart for him as a father will never extinguish. However, our love for one another as husband and wife has fallen by the wayside. Many out there have said that they would have never thought we would be to this point. Sadly, we are. I am more upset about this today than I thought I would be when this started. I am nearing the end of an almost 15 year relationship and I think that is what is getting the best of me.
Please remember as you read that this is my interpritation of things. You must take this for what worth you place on it. I am not going to spell any of these out. If you care to get more in depth, I will be happy to discuss things, in person as I have done with so many.
I never felt as though I was unloved, however, I did feel inadequate at times. I never dressed my age. I felt that I was always giving and he was always taking and never giving in return. The fights got longer and more frequent and we found ourselves fighting over the same things over and over again for about three years. I wanted to go to counsling and asked to go. I even took the liberty of going by myself to see a Neuropsychologist.
I will not, by any means, blame this all on Justin. I wasn't a perfect wife and could be quite the bitch at times (pardon my language). But, I do know that marriage takes both people trying to make it work and we both failed on that end.
There will be another side to this. I hope that we will both heal and become friends (or something that resembles working together for the benefit of Amanda). We will both move on and find someone new to love. One thing is for sure, we will both be better people because of this. If nothing else, we can help someone who is going through the same thing because we have been there and know the process.
Time heals all wounds - and eventually, I have to start believing that myself.
Lacey
Honey, I have been there and done this same thing. I know its hard, but you are strong, you will be ok. I love You and if you anything let me know. It was so nice when you came down, we all really enjoyed that. My prays will be with you for tomorrow, call or text let me know what happens. God Bless Give Amanda hugs and kisses. I love you , talk to you soon.
ReplyDeleteAunt Tonya
You and I are on the same boat. My husband and I separated last August but have yet to begin divorce proceedings. I know it will have to happen eventually. The first few months after we separated I had high hopes for a reconciliation but it never happened. Instead we continued to grow apart and I realized that our separation was for the best. A full year has gone by and a few days ago I finally felt relieved of leftover feelings I had for him. I honestly thought it would never happen. He was the supposed "love of my life" and I thought I would never get over him. Remember, this is just a chapter in your book that has come to and end. The important thing is to make sure your daughter remains the top priority on both sides.
ReplyDeleteNobody likes to see their relationship crumble, but unfortunately that is life. Fortunately, the unexpected is also what makes life so exciting.