"In My Daughter's Eyes....."

I love my daughter more than life itself and if you are a mother then you know what type of love this is.  It is that unconditional, never ending, aching love.  I don't know how I loved before Amanda came along.


I catch myself realizing this love all the time and it truly takes my breath away.  I get home from a long, busy, exausting day and she gets so excited to see me and that makes all the worry, trouble and heartache that I am experiencing melt away.  She giggles and runs at me with arms open wide and hugs and kisses me.  She wakes up in the morning and plays with my grandmother and I listen to them while I am getting ready for work, she is such a jabber-jaw.  They play "babies" and she is momma to all those little dolls, monkeys and bears.  She is a great momma.  


I told her yesterday that if she was really good then we would go swimming.  I got home and Mom and Mammie (my grandmother) said that she was just perfect all day and talked about nothing but going swimming.  Excitement filled her face as we got ready to go and she was just a giggle machine.  However, when we arrived at the pool those giggles quickly diminished.  She didn't want to let go of me and float in her star.  She wanted to be attached to me the entire time we were in the pool.  I didn't make her let go, but I wanted her to float on her own to see her do it.  I wanted her to show me what she had learned in her swimming lessons; she didn't want to. 


I think back to swimming with her and I realized that she just wanted me near for that security.  She always wants me to be there.  It has been especally hard since my separation to convince her that I am always going to be with her and she will see me again soon.  


She has been asking a lot lately about our "old house."  The one we lived in when we were a family.  She wants to go there and see it.  I have told her we sold it and in her little 2 and half year old voice she tells me that some other little girl lives there.  Behind my tears I have to tell her that yes baby, another little girl lives there.  It is hard not being able to explain to a two year old the meaning of "divorce."  I do tell her that mommy lives with Granny and Daddy lives with Nana.  She says okay and starts jabbering on about something else.  So innocent....so pure.


A verse from "In My Daughter's Eyes" is below.  Sung by Martina McBride, I can say that this song describes me to a "T."  Every time I hear it, I cry.  I am even fighting back tears now knowing that I am going to be typing it into this passage.


In my daughter's eyes I am a hero
I am strong and wise and I know no fear
But the truth is plain to see
She was sent to rescue me
I see who I wanna be
In my daughter's eyes


In my daughter's eyes everyone is equal
Darkness turns to light and the
world is at peace
This miracle God gave to me
gives me strength when I am weak
I find reason to believe
In my daughter's eyes


She is the hope for my future, my miracle and reason for living.  She isn't judgemental.  She never will know just how God put her into my life at the right time and truly rescued me.


Lacey